Rochester, NY
9:55 AM
When I woke up this morning and came downstairs my parents had left open the obituary page for me. There was a post it note going to a lady’s name I hadn’t thought about in a long time, Esther Eaves. Esther was my old religion teacher from church. I had gone to classes at her house for a few years. She got me and my friends ready for confirmation. I began to play all of the memories I had stored. We are in her living room talking about things. Mark O is there. Randy too. The girl that I had a crush on for most of my youth, my first girlfriend, Ariana, is there. As I think about it, I am not sure if she was in my confirmation class or not, but she is in the memory. And Amy and Karen, and a lot of others are in the room. And there is Esther, smiling and hugging us.
She was born with a cleft pallet. Some kids may be scared of seeing that at first glance. I don’t remember if I was or not. I do remember it made Esther’s smile that much stronger. Whenever I would see her, then and now, she always had a big, deeply meaningful hug for me. She would grip me tight and long and be so glad to see me. Her hug was as pure as it gets. Esther didn’t have kids of her own. I think all of us were her kids.
It’s sad how you forget about things as you grow up and get focused on different aspects of your life. I hadn’t seen Esther much since I was a teenager. But as I read the paper today I realized how strong of a person and role model she was. Now I question why it takes someone’s death for us to play the memories and think about what that person has meant to us.
The world was a better place because of Esther. I’m sure she will be still be with us, keeping a watch. She may not always see what she likes from me, but she is in my heart and I’ll be thinking about her.
Saturday, 1:30
I just got back from Esther’s funeral. My dad and I went. It was at the church I grew up in, Holy Name. It is a catholic church. I have since moved away from it some, but this is home. Esther was a staple here and in the church community.
I am always a bit on edge for funerals. I am an emotional person and knowing why I am there makes me think about life and everything. As dad and I walked in and sat down, we were given a program for the day. There was Esther as I remembered her, big smile showing through. The picture made me feel bad that I didn’t really stay in touch or go see her as I got older. I wasn’t sad about her dying. She was sick and with the faith she had, I knew she was in the room somewhere, smiling at all of us. She was in heaven and as someone said during the funeral, she was probably with a bunch of children.
Her family was big and in full force. It was hard to see them as they followed in the casket. There were many tears. One of her nieces, maybe 8 years old, read a poem about her favorite Aunt Esther.
The funeral service brought back a lot of memories for me. The music they played I had heard for years and knew the words, at least to the refrains. I am a seeker in faith as I am in life. I am still searching for it and what it means to me. But, as I sat at Holy Name today, it all felt right. I thought she got the send off she would have wanted. There was mass, but there was talking and feeling about her.
As I went up for communion, another image played in my head. I am not sure where it came from, but it was there. I was a kid again, in our group. We were all getting ready to get communion. I think it was for our confirmation, not first communion, and there was Esther. She took my hands which were cupped together as I was in line. She crossed my thumbs over each other, “Now you have the sign of the cross,” she said. From that point on, that is how I walked to get communion, one thumb over the other in a cross. Up until that point, I had forgotten why I did that. And here was Esther, telling me something that has been a part of my life on a weekly basis since I was a boy.
I whispered to my dad, “I know why I came here today.” I may not have thought about Esther much over the recent years but that memory showed me she’s been with me and will continue to be. I wondered how many other kids have their thumbs crossed because of her?