Greece, NY
12:25 AM
Here it is, a Saturday night and I’m home typing a journal entry. I’m not sure why I’m not out living it up on Labor Day Weekend, but I don’t feel like doing much today. This may be the first time in 11 years I’ve been in Rochester on September 3. This day means different things to different people, but to me, it holds a place in my mind and heart for a friend of mine who is not here anymore. I used to be a lot worse about it than I am now, but it still gets me. One of my best friend’s from high school is no longer with us. He passed on this day in 1993, a few months after we graduated high school.
It was not the best day I ever had, getting the call to my new dorm room in Arkansas that my best friend was in the hospital and in a coma. I was 18 and didn’t know a thing about life, but I grew up pretty fast over that week. I flew home a ball of tears for the wake and there wasn’t a funeral. I then flew back to Arkansas and tried to go to school. The grief was hard to handle. I was in a new place where no one knew who he was. As I look back on it, I think that period has shaped a lot of who I am. I am not sure what parts, but those months had a huge effect on me.
So here I am, a bit sad tonight, wondering why I am saying these things in an online journal. I don’t know why it is making me feel better to talk about this in a forum such as this, but it seems to be working. When you lose a close friend or someone close to you young in life, it obviously makes you think about things that you normally don’t. I am not sure if that is where my needing passion comes from.
I almost went to my high school’s first football game as a remembrance. He was a middle linebacker who was told he wasn’t big enough or fast enough for the next level. He loved the game. I’m kind of glad I didn’t go as they got smacked 40-0.
I almost went out and hit the bottle in remembrance, but that didn’t feel right. I tried doing that right after he passed and that didn’t help that much. I also have a fantasy football draft tomorrow morning and didn’t want to have a mushy brain.
So I type away and try to remember back. 12 years is a long time ago. You try to picture what it was like and the memories are still there, but more fuzzy. You try to remember the people you hung out with and the parties and the fights and the things 17 and 18 year olds do. We had a blast and a ton of laughs.
And now I think of his brother and his family. How hard it must be on this day. It is good to think about it and remember the good times that were had. You wonder what he’d be like at 30, if he was still around. I laugh as I try and imagine that. But things are how they are, so I will turn off the computer and try and go to sleep. I miss that guy, but the fuzziness makes it different. Being here makes it different. Now all of the high school days are dancing in my head. I’m glad about that. And I will quit this and think about it…